Closer to Fine

Poor neglected little blog!  It seems I’ve forgotten, once again, to document as things happen.  I’m really terrible about this and I suppose old habits die hard.  Well here we are knee-deep in May already!  I just finished my first semester back to school last week, and it looks like I’ll be making a 91 in my math class!  I’m taking the summer break and I’ll be back full force in the fall with 5(!) classes.  The big news is that I’ve finally chosen a field of study…I’m going back to my roots and doing what I love,  photography/graphic design and I couldn’t be happier!  And to take advantage of my extra free time this summer I’m going to be doing a minimum of one photo-shoot a week just to get back into practice and build a portfolio.  I’d like to post my photos on here as well, maybe make this a bit of a photo blog?!  We’ll see how this goes…


The good news…I’m happy to announce that for the first time in five years I’m enrolled in classes!  I’ll be attending a community college for the time being to take what few basic courses I have left and then I’ll go from there.  If we’re still living in Virginia by the time I’m done  then I’d like to attend Christopher Newport University, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

To address this pesky issue of choosing a major I’ve been instead focusing on graduate programs rather than undergrad.  Its a difficult market out there and a masters degree is a big advantage.  I’ve really been focusing on political science and…..wait for it, law.  I know it seems like it came out of left-field, but when I began researching history and poli/sci degrees I found that many of them go on to study law.  I’m without a doubt absolutely certain that I don’t want to teach, ever (!), but I really don’t want to see my education go to waste.  After a little digging I actually found some concentrations of law I think I’d be really interested in, International and national security, human and civil rights, and constitutional.  I also think I’d love, LOVE to be a political advisor.  I would never be bored, of that I’m certain!  Keep in mind I’m still just playing with my options, I have yet to start classes, but I’m very interested to see where this goes!

And now, I’m going to talk about a subject that strikes more fear and uncertainty to my very core than anything I’ve ever been faced with .  Children.  So many woman struggled and fought and campaigned so that they, and their daughters, and their daughters’ daughters could have the rights of men.  No longer do women have to stay at home and exist for the express purpose of passing on the genes of their husband and tend to his needs.  Because of everything that so many women have done, most of whom I will never even read or know about,  I can vote.  I can buy property, I can go to college and hold a career, and I can make a name for myself.  I’m very aware of the fact that I can do what so many women who lived and died before me could not, and for that I am forever and eternally grateful.  That being said…. I don’t know if we can “have it all.”  At least not without consequence.  By that I mean it almost seems as though a woman has to chose between a career or a family.  Woman do both everyday, I know, but it seems that something has to be sacrificed.  If you want to focus more on your career, you don’t have as much time for your family.  If you want to make raising your children priority one, you can’t give 100% to your job.  So this is my dilemma…what do I want to sacrifice?  It such a huge decision and I can never seem to find the right answer.  I’m certain I want to have kids.  I’m 28 and happily married for 4 and a half years.  But I still have many years of college in front of me, neither my husband nor I have finished college, and even though we are much better off  than we were 4 years ago we still aren’t at the level I would feel comfortable with financially to have a child.  Bottom line is that now is not the right time to start a family.   The problem is when we are done with school (and I’m not even including grad school here) and  have the financial security we need I will be in my early 30s.  Thats when I’ve told myself I want to have children.  It seems all fine and well, but in deciding that I wanted children I’ve always  known that I’d rather be at home with them while they are young, if possible.  If I spend the next three years completing my bachelors and then have a baby I won’t be working.  Which means T will have to cover my student loans until our tots are in school and I can go to work.  It almost seems pointless to go to school just so that I can have a baby when I’m done.  And then if I want to pursue my masters thats less time I will have for a family.  It may seem ridiculous, but this issue has been a big source of stress for me for about the last year.  Although I feel better just writing it out, I’m really no closer to figuring out what I want.  Aren’t these things supposed to work themselves out?  Either way, more posts to come…and all about school!  Hooray! (?)

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  I guess I haven’t had much inspiration.  I blame limited social interactions, lack of gainful employment, and my DVR.  Truth is, its been slow around here.  Haven’t really made any progress in deciding  a major, either.  One thing I’ve noticed in reading my blog posts is that politics gets my blood boiling!  Its one of the few things that inspires me to put fingers to keyboard.   Have I stumbled onto something?  Now I’d just as soon remove my own appendix than be a politician,  but I think I could really enjoy political science.  The problem?  What do I do with it?  And is it a “portable”  career?  I have to take that into consideration as well, being a military wife.  Also, what if he gets orders before I finish school?  I need to choose a major that is widely available at most colleges.  Political science is pretty solid, but could I put it to use after I graduate?

I feel the same way about history.  I’ve been entertaining the idea of  a major in history, but I don’t want to teach…at all.  Period.  My other interests?  Business, Spanish, Art History.  All too general, all not guaranteed to get me a job in my field of interest.  Bottom line is I still have more questions than viable answers.  Couple that with my tendency to be wishy-washy and  I find myself getting nowhere.  Its disheartening to say the least.

Boy oh boy.  Life doesn’t get any easier does it?  Everything you do will give you cancer, and now….watching porn will make you a homosexual.  You heard right.  Porn will make you catch “the gay”.  Thank you, Mike Shwartz, republican senator Coburn’s chief of staff,  for alerting us to this danger.

I will post the video at the end of this blog so you folks can hear it for yourselves.  Skip ahead to about minute 2:40, the first half of the video is just introductions.

In it Mr. Shwartz talks about times when he worked with young boys about age 10 or 11.  He says that boys about that age have less tolerance to homosexuality than any other group of people, siting that there is some sort of natural instinct against it, and therefore homosexuality is something that is “inflicted” on people.

Holy. Shit.  Where do I even begin with this?  I can say with a fair amount of certainty that the reasons young boys (and not all) aren’t so tolerant of homosexuality is because 1) many are CONDITIONED to be that way and  2) peer pressure is a bitch.   And at no other time in the course of a human life is it more prevalent than when you’re a child.  I know this because I was a child once, and  at that time in my life there was nothing worse that I could think of than being the weird or unusual kid (in any shape or form).  Because that means your life will be hell.  In fact, I remember picking on kids.  Not on my own, but because others were doing it and no one wants to be the outcast. (fortunatley this was a habit I quickly grew out of)  I always felt remorse afterwords, because deep down I knew it was wrong to belittle  someone because they were different.   I was fortunate to have parents that ingrained empathy in me at a young age and I worry that it’s not being done enough anymore.

And for the record, boys at that age don’t even like GIRLS, let alone other boys!  And believe me, I know!  From the moment I could get around on my own two feet I was chasing after boys.  And they would have none of it!   I have clear memories from about 2nd grade of huddling in the playground at recess with all the girls.  We would pick a boy or two that we thought was cute and then all chase him down and try to kiss him…and son of a bitch if the boys didn’t run like hell every time!  It wasn’t until puberty that boys actually began “chasing” me back.  (Oh, NOW you want to play.  Typical)

Another point he mentions is something a homosexual friend of his supposedly told him, “All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”  I have to just come right out and disagree completely with this.  This may have been the case for the gentleman that supposedly made this statement, but that gentleman IS a homosexual.  I personally beleive that folks are born either way, but that is irrelevent here.  Was he trying to suggest that pornography made him gay?  Or more importantly, was he implying that the act of masturbation itself made him gay?  If masturbation made people homosexual, then the human race would have died off hundreds of years ago.

I would also like to adress the issue of Mr. Shwartz claiming that it would be a good idea to let all young boys know that all pornography is homosexual, so as to deter them from looking at it.  You’ll have to excuse me here…WHAT THE FUCK??!!??!!  Why don’t we also tell them that masturbation will make them blind while we’re at it?  That one’s an oldie but a goodie, let’s bring it back!  Or that it will give them hairy palms!  No one wants to be the blind, hairy, gay kid right?!   Give me a fucking break.

Ah,  research.  Where would we be without it?  I’ve been paying close attention to this health-care debate that has this country’s proverbial panties in a twist.  How can I not?  It’s everywhere, weather you want to be involved or not!  Just when I think I’ve argued (to others and even myself) every conceivable argument for or against it I come across a new piece of the puzzle….a lovely new nugget, if you will.

I’ve heard for a while about the senate’s possible proposal of a “soda tax”.   It always sparks my interest until I start thinking about the meat and potatoes of the debate and then I completely forget about it!  Basically the idea is to add a 3 cents per 12oz tax to all sodas, juices, and flavored milks as a way to help with healthcare costs and theoretically discourage people from buying these in the amounts they currently do, thereby making them choose healthier drinks and making better decisions. Today I actually saw a commercial with regards to this.

Let me preface this with the fact that I’m still on the fence about whether  the tax is a good idea.  Paying for some of health care, good, sure.  Helping people make better choices….meh, probably not.

Immediately after I saw this I thought to myself if someone REALLY is struggling to feed their family then don’t buy soda!  If three extra cents is going to push you over your food budget then put the damn sprite down!  Secondly I thought hmmm, what IS Americans Against Food Taxes and who are they made of?  So I promptly went to their website to find out who has a problem with a few cents added to their Dr. Pepper.   You see….that’s where I felt all Rachel Maddow-y 🙂

Their website claims that they are “a coalition of concerned citizens – responsible individuals, financially strapped families, small and large businesses in communities across the country.”   Then it lists their co-chairs and coalition members.  Their co-chairs include members of grocer’s associations, and a representative of the  Florida Petroleum Marketers and Convenience Store Association.  The coalition is a lengthy list of  state run food and beverage associations, marketing alliances, restaurants, and of course the big companies like Pepsi and Coke.  No shocker, I admit.  Of course they would want to be involved in stopping the tax.  I just find it trite when organizations claim to be made of average citizens when they aren’t.

What I want to know is what the REAL “concerned citizens”  who have no stake in the beverage industry (or politics)  and “financially strapped families” actually think about this.

I personally dislike the idea of a new tax unless I’m certain it’s for something I can get behind….and even then I’m usually a bit reluctant to go along with it.   If health care weren’t the motive behind this tax I would be against it on principle, not because it’s too much.  But because I’m behind healthcare reform I think it might be something to consider.  I’m on the fence with this one.

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that the world has gone bat shit crazy.  I’ve had the sneaking suspicion for some time, but now I’m officially convinced.  President Obama gave a motivating back to school speech for children and we all know it’s gotten some incredible hype.  The days and weeks leading up to this controversial event have rendered some pretty incredible claims about this president’s “liberal agenda” and how he wants to “indoctrinate” our precious little children into his communist empire!  Oh no!  Did you know they do this sort of thing in North Korea!?  Oh my!  Is it Hitler’s youth all over again!?  Eeek!  The right thing to do is pull the children out of class without even watching the video!  Or ban it from school all together!  No commies in our classrooms, no sir!

Now, I completely understand the disappointment and even a little concern for this country when a president of an oposing political party is elected.  Eight months into Obama’s presidency and the Bush years are still fresh in my memory.  I am all too familiar with that.  And I’ve been asking myself, “If Bush (or McCain) were making this exact speech would I be just as upset as these mis-guided conservatives right now?”  That’s a tough question to answer.  In my honest opinion, I think I too would be initially skeptical.  But being the reasonable, logical person that I am (and sometimes naively think everyone is) I would do as much research as possible.  What is the president going to be talking about?  Is the public allowed to see this speech?  Is it political?  If the speech is anything like the one Obama gave, I would have no problem with ANYONE, regardless of their political affiliation, sharing that with children.  As much as I loathed Bush’s policies, as much as I believe he took us down the wrong path, as much as the sight of him made me cringe from time to time…..I would have no problem with it.  It was simply a good speech.  There is nothing wrong with inspiring youth to set goals and work hard.  Especially someone that many children look up to.  Which leads me to a disturbing thought…

What kind of message are the parents (and school districts) who pulled their kids from school to avoid the speech that day telling their children?  Aren’t we supposed to respect the president?  Even when we don’t agree with him?  If the parents watched the video first (and likely they didn’t) and heard things that they objected to couldn’t they just talk to their children about it?  I think it would be a great opportunity to be a discussion point with their children.  But to prevent them from watching it all together…..come on.  And what if their children see the video later on?  Most kids have access to the internet, and I’m sure their friends will have talked about it.  If the children watch the video will they be confused as to what exactly the parents were so determined they not hear?  How could they not question their parent’s intentions?

I think conservatives need to chill out for a bit.  Maybe take a collective vacation.  Fly off the Bahamas, chill on the beach, smoke a few, drink a few, then come back relaxed and ready to be rational.  If Obama does something really objectionable then by all means, have at him.  But don’t ascribe atrocities to the man when there are none.  That’s bat shit crazy.

Is it weird that I think the year doesn’t really begin until fall?  Because I so do.  I wait all year for sweaters,  jackets,  dressing in layers,  changing leaves,  football,  spicy air freshners,  kids on school buses,  and pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks.  I feel like my normal life begins again every September when Starbucks brings back pumpkin spice!  I had one today, and it was like waking out of a long, bland, hot, sticky slumber.  If I were a bear I would hybernate only in the spring and summer, and wake in time to watch Jay Cutler redeem himself by kicking the Bronco’s asses in their own stadium while sipping on a latte and wearing a cozy corduroy jacket.   I like that bear.  That’s a bear I want to know.


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  • Charolotte: My desire to go to school isn't simply to bring in a second income, I could do that without putting in the time and money for college. I've had jobs
  • Bob Loosemore: Please - please could you all save up and send me a pumpkin spice thing. This boring island where I live is 90% evergreen not like my beloved mother
  • Bob Loosemore: I am guessing here but I would guess that Mr Swartz is bordering on emotionally inadequate, so don't lets be too surprised about what he says. He des